I See It Now
by angel-death-dealer
Summary: AU, futurefic. During a reunion, Sawyer watches Jack and Kate together, and contemplates the life they have, and wonders if he could have ever given her that. Angst. Jate.


**This is a one-shot based around the Tracy Lawrence song "I See It Now" which I think is absolutely beautiful. I wanted to do a music video to this song, but couldn't because it just needed to be set in this scenario. I hope you like it. It's jate, but set from Sawyer's point of view.  
Sam  
Xxxxx**

A year after the survivors had been rescued, they had promised to meet up, no matter what. It didn't matter where they were, what they were doing, or who they were with, they would come back to LA for a get together, and would do every year. May 12th. That's what the date was today, and a year ago, a plane had flown over the island, and had come back with a boat to rescue them.

Sawyer was one of the first to turn up at the location for their reunion, a party hall in the centre of Los Angeles. He had travelled from Tennassee. He had gone back to his home town after they had arrived back in the US, wanting to make a fresh start in his hometown. He had gone to his aunt, the kindly woman, who was now aging more than she would admit, and she had allowed him to stay with her until he had found a place of his own. He even had a respectable job now, never wanting to return to his conman ways again.

He had even tried to hunt down Cassidy, to see if she was still in town, but from what he could find out, she had never returned to her home after he had told her to meet him at the motel, except to gather her belongings and leave. No one knew where she was now. That had hurt him, to know that he had driven her away so easily when he had genuinely cared for her. He didn't know whether or not it was love, but whatever it was, it was strong.

Soon to join him was Charlie and Claire. They were married now, he could see from the wedding bands on their fingers, and the way that they seemed to be so happy together. Aaron, now approaching two years old, recognised Sawyer and ran over to give his 'uncle' a hug. He welcomed the hug from him, it was the closest sign of affection he had recieved since his aunt had passed last month.

It wasn't the last sign he got either, Charlie and Claire were both pleased to see him. So were Sun and Jin, when they arrived, with their daughter, Cathy. Her full name was Catherine. They had wanted to name her after Kate, who had played such a big part in Sun's pregnancy and birth, and she had thought it was silly to have two Kate's on the island. So they still called her Catherine, they just spelt it differently, and called her Cathy instead. From what he could see, the pair had resolved any issued they once had in their marriage, now that they had their daughter to hold them together.

So far, it was all couples arriving that he had known. He felt like an old man to admit that he saw these pairs and known that he had watched the relationships grow. Some of them, he had even egged on.

Hurley arrived with a woman that he introduced as his 'friend' Starla. Sawyer knew that it was more than friendship though. He had seen enough pregnant woman in the past years to know the early signs of a baby bump, and Starla definately had one.

He wondered whether Michael and Walt would show up at all. It was never discovered whether they actually made it home or not after that day on the pier. All he knew was that he didn't care. The man had sold him out, and he hadn't been present at any of the arrivals once they had first returned to land. If they did show up, he wouldn't have anything nice to say to them, he decided.

Rose and Bernard arrived next. No children came with them though. He knew that Rose was sick with cancer when they crashed, but she looked well now. She had a natural rosey colour on her cheeks, and was smiling. He hoped that she wasn't sick anymore, she was a good woman, who had looked after them all at some point.

Locke came alone. Sawyer didn't know why, but he didn't expect him to bring anyone with him. He just didn't seem like the kind of guy that would. He was more of a lone ranger, like himself. He had heard him mention a woman called Helen once, that he had proposed to, but he noticed that there wasn't any wedding band on his finger, and there was definately no woman at his side, so she can't have said 'yes'.

Sayid brought a woman. He recognised her as Nadia, the woman in the photograph that Sayid carried around all the time. As much as he didn't want to appear to sappy, he was pleased that he had moved on from Shannon's death now.

More people arrived, and they broke open the buffet at last. He grabbed himself a beer, and returned to his seat on the other side of the room, sitting down and keeping to himself...waiting for her.

She came. He was wondering whether she would come. He hadn't seen her since they had landed back on land. She hadn't been charged with anything at her trial, he knew that. It had been all over the news. He also saw the following news story several weeks later, revealing some suspicions over her relationship with the island doctor.

Just as he thought, when Jack walked through the door to the hall, she was right behind him, as was another arrival, that was in Jack's arms. It was at that moment, right then, that Sawyer gave up on her.

_Its good to see your face again  
It's been a while  
How am I doing?  
Well I get by somehow_

Even when he read the stories about the rumours of thier relationship, he hadn't believed them. Something inside of him had always fought against the fact that Jack and Kate were actually together. Something inside of him still loved her, and he wasn't sure why. He didn't want to love her. He tried to tell himself that he didn't know how to love, he only knew how to hurt, but when the three of them walked in, he felt his heart shattering to peices, and knew that he had loved and lost.

He had lost his chance with her long ago. Too many mistakes had caused that. Too many of his mistakes. There were no second chances when he was already exhausting his tenth. He never got close enough to see what Jack got to see every day.

From across the room, he looked at the three of them, watching their interactions with the others. When Bernard shook Jack's hand, Sawyer noticed that there wasn't a wedding band, but there was a pretty little ring on Kate's finger. They were obviously just getting around to the wedding.

It was the baby that caught his eye. Couldn't be more than three months old. Just old enough for him to see that it was a girl and that she looked exactly like her mother. They had dressed her in a pretty white dress, not too girly, not pink, he remembered that Kate had never wore pink, it would only make sense that her kid wouldn't have done either. She reared her head, looking around her at the mass of people. Her head turned towards him, and the baby version of Kate's green eyes met his.

Kate cooed over her child, and noticing her daughter's intense look, she followed her gaze, catching Sawyer's eye. Surprisingly, she smiled at him, and then whispered something to Jack. He handed her the baby, and then she made her way over to Sawyer. He stood up as she approached, placing his beer on a nearby table, and walked to meet her.

_You sure look good  
Since your new love  
Came in your life  
No I didn't see that fire in you  
He's found_

"Was wondering when you were gonna show up." He said, nudging his head towards the clock that showed they were half an hour later than the others.

"We lost track of time." She said innocently.

_Oh, but I can see it now_

She looked beautiful. The top half of her dark curls were gathered up, but the rest were hanging over her shoulders as normal. She had her hair cut again, because it was shorter than it was the last he had seen her. She had some subtle make up on, but not enough to go by the standards of the teenagers he saw nowadays, just enough to highlight her already shining eyes. She was wearing a summery pale blue dress, that clung in all the right places, showing off the latest curves that the child in her arms had obviously caused.

_I never saw  
That look in your eyes  
And I never have had  
You hold me that tight_

"Looking good, Freckles." He complimented, nodding.

"Not so bad yourself." She said, admiring the fact that he was dressed up nicely in a half-open white shirt and black trousers.

Sawyer's eyes fell once again on the baby that Kate held. She definately looked like Kate. The same eyes looked up at him, and the hair on her head, undoubtedly brown, was already curling softly. "Pretty girl you got there." He said, giving the baby a smile and tickling her under the chin.

"Thanks." Kate smiled, proudly looking down at her daughter.

_And I never saw  
You dance with your feet off the ground  
Oh but I see it now_

"She got a name?"

"Robyn." Kate said, placing a kiss on top of the baby's head as it moved slightly. She smiled. "She's just starting to react to her name."

"Nice." He nodded.

As Kate's hand came up to stroke Robyn's hair, he noticed her engagement ring in more detail.

"Big rock you got there." He noticed.

She looked at the diamond ring and smiled to herself.

"When's the wedding?" He asked, when she didn't say anything.

"Next month." She told him. "June 18th. We wanted it after this party, because we wanted you all there."

He smirked. "That go for me too?"

She noded. "Yeah. You too."

"I'll check my diary." He said professionally, getting a laugh out of her. They fell into a silence, which was broken only by the music playing in the background. The music that was summing up everything that he was feeling. He saw Jack looking over, and nudged her arm slightly, getting her to follow his gaze. "I think someone wants to dance." He commented.

"Yeah, I guess so." She smiled, and started back towards Jack. "It's good to see you again, Sawyer." She said softly to him.

He nodded, watching her go, but then calling her back. "Kate!" She turned at her name, and went back to him. "Just answer me one thing." He said. "You and him," He nodded towards Jack. "Are you happy?"

She looked back at Jack, who smiled at the eye contact, and she grinned back. Then she looked down at little Robyn, who was playing with Kate's hair with her little pudgy fingers. She looked back at Sawyer, and there was a glittering in his eyes that she had been given, and that was answer enough for him. He knew that with all his mistakes, he never had, and never would have, a chance to put that light in her eyes. Not in this lifetime. It was selfish for him to want that as well. She had a hard life, as he had been told one night over a lot of alcohol, and he guessed that she, of all people, deserved some happiness. She had paid for her mistakes, and but he hadn't finished paying yet, and redemption was yet to come.

"Yeah, yeah I'm really happy." She said, smiling broadly.

Then he did the hardest thing he had ever done. He leaned over, kissed her on the cheek, and placed a hand on her child, hers and Jack's child's, head. "Well then, I'm happy for ya." He told her.

_Holding him you never looked more beautiful  
Letting go has been so hard on me_

He watched the pair of them dancing later that evening. At the moment, Claire was fussing over Robyn, as was Sun and the the other women who thought that she was too adorable to leave alone. Before then, Jack had been dancing with both Kate, who he held against him with one arm, and Robyn, who was held against him with his other arm. Sawyer couldn't help but feel jealous. They both looked so happy, just being in each others company. He wished that he hadn't messed things up with her so badly.

_And sitting here it's clear to see  
What he means to you_

Now, he watched them embracing each other, moving gently in time to the music. It was a slow song, naturally, that spoke of eternal love and whatnot, and as much as he hated it, he would love to be the man holding Kate and singing along with those words to her. But instead, she was in Jack's arms, and he was singing the words to her, whispering them gently into her ear so that a contented smile was plastered onto her lips. He watched with a deep regret as she raised her head and met his lips in a passionate kiss.

_When you look at him  
It ain't no mystery_

He looked away, somehow, he didn't want to be caught staring at them, particularly during an intimate moment. He could imagine thier life, so wonderfully perfect. Jack with his nine-to-five job, Kate staying at home spending every moment she could with Robyn. There was probably a thousand photos on the wall of themselves, their baby, and their friends and family, all smiling at them from every room of the house. They probably had a really nice bedroom, a lovely plush bed with hundreds of pillows, and they would hold each other all night long. Robyn probably had a beautiful nursery, probably one that Jack would have decorated himself. He could imagine Kate wanting to help, but him insisting that she needed to rest or something. Knowing him, he probably surprised her with the result. Jack probably took her out to nice dinners, romantic walks along the beach, sunset and all. He probably showered her with gifts that he brought 'just because'. They probably had the life that everyone dreamed of. They were probably thinking of adding another member of the family already. And for some reason, he could imagine them having a cat as well.

_He's all I couldn't be_

Everything was different about her now that she was with Jack, though. Not just phsycially, although it was only the different of a few pounds here and there that came from having a baby. She carried herself differently, like she was floating on air, or maybe that was just because she looked so natural holding a baby. Something else that had changed was the fact that she had smiled all night. He didn't think he had ever seen her go a whole day without getting a frown, or a far off look in her eyes. Tonight, the only far off look she had was the one that came from being relaxed in Jack's arms.

_I never saw that look in your eyes_

The way Jack looked at her hurt him. Why hadn't he looked at her like that? He cared about her, but he hadn't ever given her that look. It was like Jack was seeing something inside of her that he had never seen. The way she looked back at him as well, it was no secret how much she cared for him. They felt equally in love. They had to be in love, they were getting married, they had a baby together. They were dancing together and looking at each other like they were the only people in the room.

_And I never have had you hold me that tight_

What else made him think, was that everyone else seemed to know what was going on between them. Had all of them known that Kate was engaged to Jack? Had they been there to see her glowing from her pregnancy? Had they been there when her baby was still newborn? Had they been there, and not told him?

_I never saw you dance with your feet off the ground_

He supposed that was his fault, considering that he seemed to lose all contact with everyone once returning to Tennassee. But still, everything had changed around him since he had faded into the background a year ago.

_Oh but I see it now_

He once wondered whether Kate was the first woman he had ever been in love with. She was the first woman that he had actually wanted to spend time with, not just screw. He wanted to be with her the way Jack was...he wanted her to look at him like she was looking at Jack...part of him even wanted her to be carrying his baby around to happily, but the rest of him knew that these hopes were over now.

Everyone around him had watched Kate's life move on. She had been freed from her life that she had resented for so many years. She had stopped running. She had fallen in love. She had found herself a good life. She had a baby. She was getting married next month. Everyone had been there to see it.

Sawyer...he hadn't seen it.

But he saw it now.


End file.
